Actual News Items

* Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pay with two $16 bills.

* The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

* A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis. By the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

* A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C. A few days later he went with his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch he went out for a sandwich. His girlfriend needed, so she had him paged by the bailiff. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him when he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

* When two service stations in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.